The Singh Family - February 10

I’ll post photos as soon as I can but let me introduce you to the Singhs.

Kavita (emphasis on the first syllable) is the principal at the Ashram school. Her husband, Arpi (also accent on the first syllable), is a principal at another school about 250 miles from the Ashram. They have a beautiful 13 year-old daughter, Kannu (like canoe). Their second daughter, Nanu, died almost 3 years ago at the age of 4 and it, naturally, devastated all of them. It has affected many decisions they have made since that time.

When colleagues at the Ashram found out I was going with Kavita, they told me how much I would like Arpi and Kannu. They were not wrong. Arpi called Kavita several times en route to Rajasthan – and right before we got there he called to say that some family friends had stopped by unexpectedly – so there would be an additional 5 people at the house.

By the time we got to Arpi’s house, it was 9 pm and dark. We drove along a 6-mile road that led from the road to the school – the school put the road in. I will write a separate posting about the school but, suffice it to say, it has a much larger budget than does the Ashram school. The taxi drove us to the Principal’s House (so a placard in front announced) and out we got. The house is one story – with a staircase up the left side to the roof (Kavita had a massage one morning up on the roof – under the sun). We entered into a small living room – with chairs (no sitting on the floor here), then into a dining room (again a table and chairs), a small kitchen off to the side, 2 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths and a room I’d call a “storage room” or very large closet. It was between Kannu’s bedroom and the full bath – and all the family’s clothes were stored on shelves and in cabinets in this room. The bath had a Western toilet (thank you!) and the same shower set-up as the Ashram. The rooms are all small but it all works well for them. My suitcase was put in Kannu’s room – we are to share the bed. It is almost king size – two beds pushed together but we shared a common mattress with 2 duvets, one for each. I wondered how Kannu felt about me invading her space. I shouldn’t have been concerned. The room was small – there was just space to walk around the bed..

Dinner was waiting. The school provides service to Arpi of a cook/housekeeper and a secretary – between them they meet many of his needs (oh, and the usual gardeners and dhobi – clothes cleaner). The other 5 guests arrived after dinner –such a nice family - there was much laughter and talking. Several members could speak English so, if they switched to Hindi, would translate for me. By 10:15 I was exhausted and Kannu and I went to bed. We talked in the dark for at least an hour at which point I said we HAD to go to sleep. We were amazed at all the similarities in our lives – we called them coincidences. We came up with 8 that first night. 1) She wants to be a neurophysiologist and my daughter already is one (I later figured out that she wants to be a surgeon, I think, not a researcher like precious Stephanie); 2) when we were little we both went first to the bars in a playground – not the teeter totter or swings; 3) my husband died from a disease that affected his brain and so did her sister, Nanu; 4) both of our watches light up when you press a button; 5) Social Studies is the BEST subject; 6) Both Stephanie and Kannu prefer simplicity – they are not into excess; 7) We both think ancient Egyptian history is the most interesting – like studying about Hatshpesut; and 8) Ghirardelli chocolate is the best (when I told her there was a Ghirardelli chocolate shop near me she was intrigued). As you can guess, I was totally charmed by Kannu. She spoke about Nanu’s death and how much she misses here. She told me several charming stories about Nanu – and how grateful Kannu is that she never hit her once in her whole life. I thought about the Nicholson’s and other families I know who have lost a child – it is such a painful possibility that is something I don’t want to even think about much. Kannu’s English is amazingly wonderful – I would say among the best I have heard in India. I was frequently surprised at her vocabulary and her ability to understand mine. Needless to say, I contemplated bringing her home with me – but at least made her promise that she will try hard to come visit at some point.

Having stayed over night at people’s houses in foreign countries, I know that the first morning can be awkward. What does one do? Do you walk out in your bathrobe or do you get dressed? Who uses the bathroom first? If they offer tea, do you get up for it or do they give it to you in bed? Well, I needn’t have worried. Kavita came in about 8 am and told us to both come join them in their room. Chai was waiting (the cook arrived around 7 I think to start her work for the day). I got up – oh I forgot to mention my stupidity. I had to leave my room at the Ashram ready for a visitor who would use my bed for one evening – so I put all of my stuff away while I was also packing. In the process, I left my nightgown, bathrobe and deodorant at the Ashram– DUH! So, what to wear to bed? I just used the Punjabi dress top that I wore that day – and used that all 4 nights. So, before I left Kannu’s room I slipped on my long pants under the Punjabi dress and walked in to their room. Arpi and Kavita were in opposite corners of their bed with shawls pulled over their shoulders – it was still cool. Kannu and I got in on the two open corners and we all shared the duvet. And then the most amazing discussion started while we sipped chai.

Arpi is passionate about education. He knows that traditional Indian methodologies (rote learning, lecture and notes) are not as appropriate anymore for today’s needs but teachers don’t have other models to follow. He wants to make so many changes to improve his school that he left me breathless. This is a man with a mission and Kavita is the same but, as she would say, Arpi is the big picture man; she has a smaller vision. However, they both want the best for their students. When Arpi became principal three years ago, the school was not performing well. He has made major improvements and the trustees (the equivalent of a Board – but from the corporate world - they supply all the needed funding for projects beyond which tuition will pay) are thrilled with his work. He has plans for the next few years but, at the same time, is not sure he wants to keep working as a principal. It takes so many hours that he is investigating other possibilities. If he could find a job near the Ashram (where their house is located – right now, sitting empty), Kavita could keep her job. But she is also considering her options and wants to be with her husband and child – I think changes will happen in the near future.

The discussion on the bed ranged from teaching methodologies to the ideal school to the ideal classroom to the ideal student, etc. He came to America last year and made some presentations in the Bay Area and in Fresno and then flew to Boston to visit Harvard – he wanted to see America’s best university. Kannu told me that she will go to Harvard when the time comes. Her mother has other thoughts!

We probably sat for almost 2 hours – then agreed we had to get going for the day. I got the first shower and then the family friends arrived again. We had breakfast outside under the beautiful deep blue Rajasthan sky. Then I got my first surprise – peacocks were everywhere – strolling around the grounds. This is dry country – think high desert - so they were strolling through dusty playing fields and paved walkways with some trees but no grass anywhere.

Then the friends had to leave. The mother gave me a bracelet that friends give each other – red yarn with small silver decorative pieces. I was touched. She tied it on (right above your bracelet, Mary) and I wore it for the 4 days of my visit. When I get home I will ask my multi-talented sister, Candy (well, Mary, you are multi-talented too but you live too far away) to help me make a clasp that is more permanent. There was much waving goodbye as they drove off.

We then toured the campus – Arpi insisted that I visit both the girls and boys “hostels” (dorms). The girls’ dorm had charming grillwork on the windows – in the shapes of vases of flowers and butterflies. The boys’ was more utilitarian. I don’t know if they had been warned – probably – but they all came out to greet me. I was taken around both buildings and was asked in to every single bedroom. I took some photos of the girls sitting on their beds. There was one really long room that was divided into compartments in which 2 or 3 girls lived. All neat and tidy – not much room for possessions. It was a community of young women living together in shared spaces.

The boys’ dorm – I interrupted the Australia-India cricket match (India won that round) that all the boys were watching – on one medium sized TV. Again, I viewed every single bedroom on the ground floor with the boys showing me into each. I complimented, smiled, said how nice, etc. They were utterly charming.

Arpi then showed me around the campus – one big school building, a small auditorium (a bigger one is planned) and into a guesthouse (they have several to house parents who come to visit their children). He told me I would see the classrooms the following day. While we toured we kept talking education. By the end of the tour I had agreed to teach 4 demonstration classes so that teachers could see other methodologies.

We took a wonderful long walk to “the pond” – a water collection site that looks like a temple – built in the 1920s. On the way we passed camels standing patiently in the yards of their owners and passed a cart being pulled by a camel – loved it! The funniest part of the walk happened when I stopped to take a photo of one of the camels. I noticed that the owners came out, stared and then was surprised when the mother and 2 young children began to follow us. If we stopped, so did they. When we got to “the pond” they stayed behind. When we began the return walk they stopped and waited for us to catch up. Much staring at me while we approached. The woman stopped Kavita to talk. After, as we walked away, Kavita began to laugh. She had never spoken with this woman before but the woman wanted to know who I was, where had Kavita found me (that was my favorite question) and I was not the same as the other Westerners Kavita has brought to her house so what was I doing there? It was all friendly curiosity, but Kavita couldn’t believe how much this woman knew about her!

6 small villages surround the school. They are poor – a few shops in each. The school has brought many projects to the area – including a cell phone tower – so life in the villages have improved because of the school’s presence (it is 30 years old).

We had dinner – all the food was absolutely delicious. Hot chapattis are really wonderful as was the fish that was served – my first fish in several weeks. To bed by 10 – but Kannu and I talked for another hour and then agreed that school was tomorrow and we just HAD to go to sleep.

The next day I faced my clothing crisis. I had worn a Punjabi suit to Rajasthan and had my other one with me – but I felt really stupid in them here. I am not Indian, the outfits are cotton which is appropriate for the Ashram but not for teaching - teachers wear ones of silk or at least of a softer fabric. I am representing American teaching – and I felt stupid in the outfit. If I had known I was going to teach I would have brought my long skirt but all I had were long black pants, the one black top I didn’t leave somewhere in the Delhi airport and my old reliable raspberry outer shirt (soft fabric) and a scarf. That’s it and I have to teach over 2 days and I don’t have any deodorant. Then, of course, I remembered I didn’t have any make-up, but did have my new trusty Indian hair dryer - okay, my hair would look nice. I was dressed too casually, but it was better than wearing an informal Indian outfit that was not appropriate either.

Monday and Tuesday morning passed in a blur – loved the teaching. I also addressed the faculty about the challenges of teaching. We took another great walk out into the area surrounding the school – so beautiful in a dry, California way. I kept an eye out for camels, delighting in the knowledge that they were out there, just waiting to be spotted.

By the time we left Tuesday afternoon, I was in love with Rajasthan. I hope I can come back some day. I enjoyed every minute I spent with the Singhs. If I can’t come back, I hope they will visit me. I have promised Kannu that I will give Stephanie her email address so that she can communicate with a neurophysiologist. Thankfully, both Arpi and Kannu will visit the Ashram during Babiji’s visit so I will see them again soon. That made parting easier.

By they way, Arpi and I are both Cancers – here is what the stars foretold for us in the Sunday paper (next to all the ads for brides and grooms):

This is a wonderful time for you and it will carry on for the whole month. You have learnt to strike a balance between work, responsibilities, finances and duties on one hand; and home and family on the other. (Hmmmm Ravishankar would not agree!) None of these areas finds you lacking in attention. Ganesha warns you not to turn careless with money and love which are yours in such large measure. The last two weeks have been exciting and full of happiness. Not it gets even better.

All so true. Another 8 hour cab ride home – and a pile of clothes for the dhobi.