Missing Gary - March 19

Gary would have loved everything about this trip. One of his very favorite books was Be Here Now – and guess what? Babaji, (full name - Baba Hari Dass) was one of the teachers of the author of Be Here Now and was quoted frequently in the book. That alone would have made Gary sign on for a visit – or at least make him a visitor to Mt. Madonna where Babaji lives most of the year.

Gary was interested in Eastern thought – much more than I was. While he was reading books that explored other ways of being, living, thinking (again, Be Here Now, the Don Juan/Carlos Castenda books, and I can’t think of all the other titles or authors but there were many) I was happily reading a murder mystery or grading papers or doing one of the many other things I filled my days with.

I think India somewhat intrigued Gary – but he never got a chance to do anything about it. In fact, he never got to do any significant travel beyond a high school trip to Europe. Looking back, I realize that we never took a single trip together other than weekend trips in New England or the yearly trips with the children out to California. When the children were young and his MS was not an issue, we had neither opportunities nor the finances to even consider extensive travel. When they were older, MS took away the possibility of travel. Except for our one amazingly wonderful week in Seattle the year before he died, I don’t think Gary ever left California after we moved back in 1987. But I think if he hadn’t had MS he would have liked to travel - and I think India would have appealed to him.

Gary would also like the people here at the Ashram. In our joint history Gary was always more drawn to folks with alternative life-styles than I was. I usually felt a little uncomfortable and nervous around them. I was even a little uneasy when I visited Mt. Madonna when trying to decide whether or not to come to India. I wasn’t used to Hindu temples, knew little about Hindu beliefs, didn’t know how to dress the Indian way, wasn’t a vegetarian, didn’t know yoga, had never hear of Babaji, didn’t understand all the Hindi/Sanskrit terminology that is used – but I think Gary would have gotten right into it - well, don't know about the Hinduism! I say “think” because Gary’s MS so affected him and the last 10 years of his life that it is hard to project what Gary might be like if he were still alive today and never had MS. But, if he were alive, I think he would have been the first to say, “let’s go to India.”

So, how ironic that I am here instead. I do know that Gary would be proud of me for coming to India. I think him of often– and wonder what he would think of all the places, people and experiences I have had. I miss him.